Did Your child just say a cuss word that made you pause in your track?
Did he just hit the nanny?
The other day he kicked his friend downstairs
Did the universe just burst into tiny pieces in your head? You wonder what is happening with your child. Why does it feel that everything is spiraling out of control. Why are multiple thoughts clouding your head, why is the brain becoming fuzzy?
We hear you!
Having a child behave inappropriately can cause any parent to feel very distressed and inadequate.
For a minute, let’s reflect on what we end up doing when this happens:
- Get angry at the child? Well, is that a given!
- Yell at him, talk to him in a condescending way, may be even hit the child?
- Then, feel guilty for doing so and condemn oneself?
What happens in the process is – we end up giving a lot of attention to our child. Attention that becomes counter-productive and without meaning to, reinforces this behaviour in the child.
So, what does one do in this case?
Is one supposed to simply ignore? And let the child do it?
We’ll, no! The next time this happens, try this:
Sit down with the child at his eye level and and talk about what he said/did and what about that was inappropriate. Check with the child if they felt a certain way? Engage in a dialogue with the child.
Remember, a child may not be able to label the emotion they felt. However, understand that feeling frustrated/ angry/ anxious/scared are normal human emotions and even adults sometimes struggle with means of expressing these emotions appropriately. Helping the child reflect and getting them to be aware of these emotions would be the first step towards learning emotion regulation and expression in the long term.
“Instead of pointing out what was wrong, let us start giving more attention to the right – to reinforce, applaud and make it a big event.”
Change is never overnight, it is a series of multiple attempts, discussions and reflections that can take a child towards better self-awareness and go a long way towards creating a solid foundation towards raising an emotionally intelligent child.
